When you have been hurt by someone deeply and broken up, but they now wish to come back, it can be tough to decide if they should have a second chance. If some of your good feelings are still there it may be tempting, but it is never a guarantee that it will work out. There are times that a second chance may not turn out as you hoped. While everyone’s situation is different and some may be able to make a second chance work, it is usually a step backwards.
If any of the following reasons are why a second chance is being considered, then it probably will not last:
Fear of Being Alone
If you have tried dating, but nothing has quit worked out since your ex, who then asks for a second chance, be wary. If the only reason you are considering going back is because there does not seem to be anyone else out there, it probably won’t last. The fear of being alone can keep you from really thinking things through, but someone new will be found if you keep trying.
If you are walking along an something triggers a positive memory of your ex, a trip down memory lane can have you considering getting back together. While it is okay to think about the good times on occasion, make sure to remind yourself why it ended. If it was a poor fit, then a second chance will not change that, even if you are feeling warm and fuzzy at the moment.
We have all hear the line, “but I’ve changed” come from someone. If this is the reason you are considering giving someone a second chance, make sure a change has really happened. A deep rooted habit does not disappear in a week or even a month, watch for long term behavioral changes and even then, be cautious. You left for a reason and falling back into old habits can be easy to do.
Friends and Family Like Them
Though it can be tempting to give someone a second chance because you are being encouraged to by friends and family, go with your gut instincts. Even if your friends and family love your ex, you are the one that was in the relationship. If you felt the nee to leave, then stick with it because it was likely the right decision.
Loneliness is a common reason people take back an ex, but it is not a good one. When comfort is needed, it is more about a person, not that person. Choosing to give a second chance out of loneliness is much like going back out of fear of being alone. The same issues will likely soon arise and the process starts again.
Though it can be hard to watch someone you once love move on to someone new, this is not a reason to give them a second chance. There was a reason the relationship did not work out and while seeing them happy may give you pause, do not let it erase the reasons you left. The jealousy is normal, but it does not change why you left.
Still in Love
Just because you love someone does not mean you should give them a second chance. Love is wonderful, but it does not mean that things will change. If the relationship was unhealthy in any way, love alone will not heal it. Unless some serious work has been done on both sides, it is best to just move on so old patterns o not pop up again.
There are the reasons you should avoid giving a second chance. If you have seen obvious and lasting changes, then it may be worth consideration, but if not then the same situation will likely be created. Move forward and try to find someone new.