You just finished an epic date and you are smitten. Only problem, they are new single after a serious relationship. This is a tricky situation and you hope to avoid any heartache. Men, in particular seek rebounds to soothe their psyches after a breakup. This is because women are more apt to share their feelings with close friends or family, while men can feel forced to internalize their emotions. A man relied on his girlfriend to sort out tough sentiments and in lieu their now ex, he feels lost. This causes them to seek out rebound relationships so they can express tough feelings to an impartial ear without the risk of getting hurt further. Unfortunately, this can lead to creating complex feelings for both parties.
Read on to discover 15 key signs that your date isn’t not ready for long term love with you:
- Their breakup was less than 3 months for dating or 6 months for a marriage
Ending significant relationships take significant healing time. This is especially true if the separation came about abruptly. Be careful to pick up on language clues like remorse or the “grass being greener.” This could be a sign that they have poor coping skills and only want a short-term fixed, especially if it could make their ex jealous and remorseful.
- Extensive Complaining About the Ex
Does it feel like the ghost of the ex is joining you on dates? Does it feel like most conversation involve complaints or negative tones about the ex and how they feel broken as a result? Dating should be about fun and connection for the two of you and not a vent session for their resentment and anger.
- Dating the Recently Dumped
There are problems in a relationship well before the ending. If someone was blindsided by a breakup then they have not had the time to process how their ex felt gradually more emotionally distant from them. Before this person should date, they need to take the time to grieve.
- Extensive Fawning Over the Ex
Sharing positive qualities about an ex is fine. It helps you understand things that can be important to your date. But overly fixating or romanticizing the person is a clear sign you are their second choice. Tread lightly. While you don’t have to end things, you should definitely continue dating other people.
- Frequent Comparisons Between You and the Ex:
Especially in fresh breakups, comparisons can be a sign that one is looking for a replacement. Instead of appreciating you for you, your date may be more attracted to desirable traits you share with their ex.
- Resistance to Commitment
If someone is leery to commit that could mean they truly aren’t over their ex. They may simply want the fun parts of a relationship without the work or vulnerability. Unless you are looking for a friend with benefits, this a clear sign to walk away from the relationships to avoid future heartache.
- They Immediately Want to Become Exclusive
Although rare, this can happen with people who are in denial about their wishes for a rebound relationship. Typically, people seeking out this solution are in extreme emotional turmoil. They are rushing to distance themselves from the pain of their past relationship without taking the time to grieve or understand what went wrong. Kindly, encourage them to seek professional assistance before you both enter into a serious romance.
- Minimizing the Seriousness of The Previous Relationship
If your date is downplaying their feelings of a long-term relationship that ended less than three month ago, you should be hearing some SERIOUS alarm bells! This is a sign they are not willing to confront their pain over the ending of the relationship.
- Serial (Short-Term) Monogamous
Does your date have a pattern of dating a new person ever 2-4 months? Chance are you may then just be their latest conquest and they have no intention of pursuing anything serious with you.
- Frequent Better Than the Ex Statements
Although this may feel flattering for you to hear, this is creating a sense of unhealthy competition. They are forcing your dynamic to closely align with those they had with their ex. In these statements, they are transferring emotions they have surrounding their pain onto you and using you as their rebound.
- Lack of a ‘No-Contact’ Period
People require time away from a breakup and their ex, to fully comprehend their difficult emotions. This distance is also essential to understand what went wrong in that last relationship and to reevaluate priorities. Without this time, it becomes difficult to establish any healthy patterns of emotional regulation and communication with a new potential partner.
- Focusing on the Physical
Kissing, touching and sex is fun and exciting. However, they don’t always allow you to get to know one another on an emotional or intellectual level. Looks and Lust can fade, but Personality and Love are enduring. If you guys are only being physical, you are a rebound.
- Friend Zone
This is a story as old as time. When on gets hurts they can suddenly see a dear friend in a whole new light. This save a person from the hassle of small-talk or putting on airs. A friend already knows them and their baggage. If you are in this situation, have an honest talk about your friendship, expectations and limitations to avoid any heartache or souring the friendship long-term.
Be extremely cautious around anyone who gets overly jealous of you or their ex. Without proper help this could become a dangerous situation. Instead of hoping for a serious relationship, keep things casual and as supportive as possible. This will give them the time and space to work through their feelings while understanding how to set healthy boundaries with you.
- Dumper’s Remorse
Listen to your gut if you feel that this person would take back their ex without a second thought. Chances are this is because they have exhibited multiple of the behaviors, we have previous listed, and multiple times! Your time and your emotions are valuable. Remember in any relationship there is no reason to rush. If you care about this new person then feel comfortable in keeping things slow and friendly. You can date other people during this time to better understand what you are personally looking for in your next relationships, while still being available to help this person you care about through their grief and healing.