No matter how much we want to see the good in people, sometimes they bring us more frustration than we can handle. Often people we label as bullies, abusers, sociopaths and narcissists are really wounded individuals that are misdirecting their pain. When someone is unhappy it is common that they cause problems or strive to get ahead by any means necessary. They might not even understand the level of pain they are inflicting on others.
Frequently, people fall into a toxic trap of dysfunctional relationships. People in these patterns often exhibit traits of judger, rescuer or victim. If you find yourself in one of these situations, chances are you are inadvertently perpetrating drama in your life. These roles regularly become a triangle where a judge can easily become a persecutor and a persecutor can easily become a victim. By promoting these ebbs and flows we create “drama.” The only way out of this toxic dance is to identify the pattern, claim responsibility and take action for creating steps of self-empowerment. Instead of feeling like you need to “win” a disagreement, try to understand the other person’s perceptive.
The best way to tackle dealing with difficult personalities is to feel confident in your own skin. If you hear something that is disturbing to you, focusing on breathing instead of reacting. Reactions are food to drama queens, and you will only end up regretting your actions. By first breathing, you can ensure you don’t do something that could bring lasting difficulty to your life. When you are able to act from a place of calm and clarity you can lead by example. This will showcase your pure intentions and create a genuine sense of harmony for those around you.
Seven Tips for Deescalating Conflict:
- Mind Your Business
You can only be responsible for your thoughts and actions. You are not responsible for anyone else’s life, but your own.
Promoting calm, peace and self-empowerment will help you lead by example. Taking a breath before any action can ease a potentially fiery conversation and lead to meaningful solutions. Ask substantive questions with a curious spirit, to understand another’s point of view. This can help you understand what is important to theme and how to devise a compromise that can be beneficial to both parties.
- Identify What is “Real”
Often people act out negative emotions that are trapped deep inside of them. When you find someone, saying words loaded with hatred, fear or anxiety, take a step backwards. Don’t react, this is what they are expecting. You are not responsible for their life, only your own. Look inward to connect to your inner strength and guiding light. Tap into the inherent goodness of all people and either meet their actions with compassion or simply walk away.
- Be Resilient!
Just because you don’t return someone’s bad behavior doesn’t mean you are weak. In fact, it is quite the opposite! Meeting negativity with more negativity will only drain your energy supplies. By maintaining a clear head and a loving heart you can better understand your needs for navigating this tricky dynamic. Listen to those needs and do what you must to keep yourself healthy.
- Set Boundaries!
Just like you protect your living quarters with gates, doors and walls, so to must you attend to protecting your psyche. By establishing clear limits and vocalizing your needs you will show others the level of respect and love you have for yourself and your relationships. Just as you must state your needs, you must also be willing to listen to the needs of other people. This will help prevent future miscommunications or perhaps arguments.
- Be Empowered!
True, you can’t control a person’s actions. But instead of feeling like a victim, know you have the choice in how you respond. This is where your true power lies. Observe the situation as it is and not tainted by any expectations. By maintaining this objective stance, you can more clearly hear your inner wisdom and avoid feeling like you are being manipulated.
- Lead by Example!
When you set a life intention to be heartfelt and promote love and peace, you will find you begin to cultivate more positivity in your life. This will radiate outward to people you encounter every day. Having this surplus of benevolence will help protect you from the toxic effects of drama queens. Instead of sensing weakness, they may be inspired to ask how you have maintained your positive spirit. Similarly, let go of any grudges and resentment. These emotions will only weigh your down energetically. Worse, if you hold onto this negative thought you can become addicted to your righteous frustration and gives you a false sense of ego or power.
The best way to avoid being affected by drama queens is to master your emotions. Structure your life to be a beacon of compassionate, love and understanding. During a disagreement, take a step back and a deep breath. Take an objective look at the situation to see the inner hurts and anxiety of the drama queen. Don’t let their negativity adhere to your spirit. Instead, lead by example and let your positivity attitude help this person see their inner truths. If you still feel like this dynamic is becoming unhealthy to you, kindly excuse yourself from the conversation and leave.