Why People Fall Out of Love

Romantic feelings can change after a loss, a series of arguments, a betrayal or a long stretch of feeling overlooked. It helps to name what has changed and when you noticed it. That gives you something specific to discuss before deciding what you want from the relationship.

On this page

When the same conflict keeps returning
When stress takes up most of your time
When attraction or trust changes
Decide what you want to try next

When the same conflict keeps returning

Write down a recent disagreement and what happened after it. Did either person return to finish the conversation or take responsibility for something they did? If the same issue keeps surfacing, ask for a concrete change in the way you discuss or handle it.

A woman sits at a wooden desk with an open notebook and laptop. — Think about one need or stretch of time you can discuss before deciding that the relationship has changed for good.

When stress takes up most of your time

Grief, work and caregiving can change how much energy you have for each other. Ask which demand feels hardest and what kind of support would help. A protected evening together may help when scheduling is the problem. Repeated dismissals or unequal responsibility usually need their own conversation.

When attraction or trust changes

Attraction to someone else may prompt you to think about what you miss or what agreements you’ve made. Give yourself time to decide what you want to do before acting on it. If trust was broken, ask what information you need to make decisions now and what follow-through you would need to see.

Decide what you want to try next

Consider whether you want to explore repair, take time to think or discuss ending the relationship. If both of you want to reconnect, agree on a small change and a time to talk again. If you’ve decided to leave, be clear about that and give practical arrangements their own conversation.