When individuals discuss the topic dating as a single mom, they usually speak in terms of cant’s, don’t and won’t. on the first date, you can’t disclose to someone that you have kids. You will be unable to meet someone who will love your kids. And you don’t have free time to date anyway. It really portrays a bad picture of someone desperately looking for love as a single parent and it can scare somebody from dating.
Just like many stereotypes, its true a single mom’s life has a lot of ups and downs. It’s true that having kids are likely to make dating life more complicated, but it’s never that serious.
Alaina Shearer, founder of Women in Digital and Former blogger at Ms. Single Mama says that single motherhood can really be nice once you get used to it.
At the age of 26, Shearer became a single mom to 4 months old. However, she never felt the joy of being a single mom. At first, she really struggled to find tips about dating as a single mom. She says that everything she came across was negative. Those things made her feel like if she dated she would be doing a very wrong thing. All the books she read advised her negatively. She, therefore, decided to change this narrative and started Ms. Single Mama. She shared all the experiences of her dating life both the negatives and the positives.
Starting this blog not only made her realize dating as a single mom isn’t that bad, it actually has advantages. Like, taking partners on parenting test drives. By doing so you get to see if your parenting styles are the same.
Kaywanda Lamb also had the same experience. She heard that no man, especially those without kids would want to date a single mom. But this was proved wrong when she actually met a single man who definitely loved her sons. The relationship lasted for 3 years and it ended, not because she was a single mom, but because of the many reasons that make relationships end. She, therefore, tells the women she coaches (single moms), that they can find love again.
She states that single moms are likely to be fearful. But they need to do away with thoughts that the people they date will run away after realizing that they have kids. She continues to say that there are good people in this world who love us because we are lovable. And all these stereotypes are not true. She says that, if you feel and assume that nobody is going to love your kids, or there isn’t going to be a fatherly figure for your kids then there won’t. You need to be positive and know that people will still find you attractive all in all.
There are other times that those individuals will not want to meet your kids immediately, and that’s fine. It gives a chance to eliminate that kind of a person because you’ll now be aware that they are not ready to fit into your life. It’s amazing to meet someone who romantically loves you and goes home with you to your kids who will have no clue where the hell you have been.
Being a single mom doesn’t mean you are single. You have your kids with you and you live knowing you are not alone.