Catching a partner cheating is one of the most painful and traumatic experiences a person can have in a relationship. It can feel like the hurt is at such deep levels that there will never be relief. Even the strongest medication cannot heal the pain that is felt deep within the soul.
Then, the unexpected happens, the same partner wants forgiveness, showing true remorse for what has happened. They are begging for a second chance, but you may be struggling to even consider rebuilding lost trust. You may feel lost and confused. If you are truly in love with your partner, you are likely to give it another go, but this does not mean the pain will disappear. The two of you can rebuild, better and stronger, but you cannot simply forgive and forget.
Keeping all your feelings inside is unhealthy and not at all productive. You can actually damage yourself and the relationship by doing so. It is important to get past the painful stage in a cheating incident so you really can start fresh and rebuild. If you are not sure where to even begin, then the steps shared below can help jump start the process.
If you have ever clamped a water hose shut with the water running, you know as soon as it is released that the water bursts forth with extreme pressure. The same is true of bottling up feelings. This is dangerous when it comes to feelings because when they do come out, everything ever held back will come with them.
This means you have to get whatever you are feeling out in a safe space. Find a trusted friend or family member and talk about what has happened, getting all the emotion out and alleviating some of the pain. If needed, seek out professional help for an objective shoulder to lean on. Don’t hold anything back in the safe space because they will not be critical.
Accept What is Done is Done
Knowing or even thinking your partner had an affair is something that we cannot willingly accept, but once caught, we must. You have to process the negative emotions. Trying to pretend it didn’t happen is not healthy or fair to you. If you are unwilling to accept the affair, you will continue to hold onto the pain as it grows deeper. Embrace the pain and work through it, you cannot change what has already happened.
Instead, concentrate on what you want for your relationship moving forward. Imagine how bright the future can be if you move forward. This will not make the pain disappear overnight, but it will start to ease each day. Time will heal if that is what you really desire.
Feel the Pain
Even if the decision to forgive is what you land on, you will still feel anger and possibly hate toward your partner. This is based on what they did, not who they are. Unfortunately, while your partner is still arounds/he will be a constant reminder of what happened. This means the pain, anger, fear, and humiliation must be faced head on. Communicate calmly and truthfully to tell your partner how you feel. Ask your partner for help when you are ready, to be able to get rid of all the negativity around the situation. If your partner is really sorry and interested in rebuilding, they will do everything possible to help during the emotional time.