Getting Over a Guy

As the old saying goes, “love hurts.” Even in the happiest of relationships, the mere thought of losing that special someone can cause you to feel pain. Love has ups, downs, and a few times in between, but one of the cruelest times of love is when you love someone who does not return that love. Sadly, this happens all the time. We see it often in movies, but what happens when we face it in real life? Well, there are a few things that can help when you need to get over a guy that does not love you back. They are shared below.

  • Recognize it is over for now – You must come to terms with the fact that there is no relationship for the moment. Perhaps you had his love and now you don’t or you never had a relationship at all. Either way, it is not for this moment in time. It may be an option later, but there is no need to put life on hold and wait. Walk away and enjoy life.
  • Take some time – It hurts when someone does not return the love and affection you feel. Often, we do not get the closure we need and the feelings last. Being rejected is something we all fear and experiencing it can stop us from doing things in life. If your love has been rejected, even though you made yourself vulnerable and expressed it, allow yourself some time to process without beating yourself up. Take special care of yourself while you get over the guy.
  • Feel the pain – Allowing yourself to feel the rejection and pain may sound counterintuitive, but it can help you to move on faster. Let the feelings come, acknowledge them, and process them so you can move on. There is no need to blame yourself, you cannot control how others feel. Find something fun and enjoyable to focus on instead of obsessive thoughts after the initial emotions are dealt with so life can move forward.
  • Decide if you want them back – Often times, the best way to get over a guy is to move forward without him. This may not hold true for everyone. If you and an ex are still compatible and did not break up because of abuse, incompatibility, or toxic behavior, then if you want to leave the door open for the future do so. You have to make the decision. True love is tough to find so if you think your breakup can be reversed and its healthy, create an action plan to make it happen.
  • Girl time – A great way to get over a guy who was not really yours is to spend time with your girls. Friends are an amazing support system when facing lost love or never realized love. Let your girls do their thing and take care of you. Let them buy you a drink, tell you you are awesome, and that he is the one missing out. Have some fun and you will be feeling better in no time.
  • Bigger picture – Take time to make a list of the things you liked about the person. This may send some people into a tailspin, but it may also make you realize they were not all that great or unique. If they are absolutely amazing, know they are not the only person on the planet with that set of qualities. You can find another person.
  • Look at the downside – The easiest ways to get over a guy who does not love you back is to examine his flaws. Try not to focus on what you are missing and look at what you are avoiding. It can be easier to find the flaws in someone because no one is perfect and it will make you feel better in the long run.
  • Do something for yourself – You may want to hide away for a little while and this is fine, but do so at a nice hotel where you can order room service and totally relax. Do something that is for you alone. Maybe a shopping trip or a road trip you have always wanted to take will help clear your mind.
  • Date others – There is no need to sleep around to get over a lost love, but you can date again. This is a great way to get over a guy. This may even make him a bit jealous and that can be used to your advantage if you want to get back together. Maybe even throw out a text that you are dating others to your ex as a way of communicating that you are wanted.
  • Try being happy for the guy – It is tempting to want to se who he is with fall in front of a bus and he would be single, but there is no point in wasting your time worrying about him while he is enjoying his time. Realize he is happy and that though you are not happy with him, you can be happy for him. If necessary, fake it until you truly are happy for him. There is a reason things did not work out, just be patient.
  • Recognize what happened – Maybe you fell for a married guy or someone already involved with another or even someone totally unsuitable for you. You may have thought you could change him, but that never works. Take a look at how you approach relationships to make sure you are not focused on the wrong things.
  • Love yourself – Love yourself enough to move on and let go. Holding on to what might have been or what might have happened is not helpful. Work on the relationship you have with yourself. A break-up can turn into a negative reflection of self-worth, but happiness comes from the inside, not external people or factors. Learn to love yourself before seeking someone else in the future.
  • Let this inspire your next move – Instead of waiting around for things to work out or get better, let it inspire what happens next. You need to give yourself the gift of freedom from the relationship and find something new and exciting.
  • Recognize it’s him – He does not want to be with you or cannot for some reason, but either way it is not you, it is him. Recognize this and let yourself be happy.
  • Do not be mean to his other half – You may know who he is with is not worth it, but be the bigger person and let it go. He makes his choices, you make yours. You do not have to be best friends with his girl, but there is no need to be openly rude either.
  • Do not be awkward – We have all wanted to catch our ex or crush in a dark bar and blurt out our continuing love, but do not put yourself in that situation. It will only embarrass you and cause pain for others who see it.
  • Ignore his social media – Stalking him online may seem like a good idea, but it is a desperate grab. It is also unhealthy and obsessive Stop refreshing his page and go live life.
  • No comparing – He may have been great, but so are many other guys. When you start dating again, do not compare the new guy to the old. This will result in failure every time.
  • Separate yourself – When a relationship falls apart, the best thing you can do is get some physical and mental space between you. Process things, reconcile the emotions with time and space, and then you will be prepared if you do run into him again.
  • Stop focusing on what might have been – Things happen and you must simply move on. There is nothing you can change now so stop focusing on what might have been and look toward what might be with someone new.
  • Forgive yourself – Before healing can begin, you must forgive yourself for what you did not say or do. Things in a relationship that ends can seem unclear, but it has happened and it is time to forgive yourself so you can start feeling better. If you do not feel bad about being rid of an ex, do not let others convince you that you should. Just move on.
  • Love if you must – Sometimes it can be hard to forget and move on. Others may not want to talk about your breakup and you may struggle to let things go. If you absolutely can’t, then love them for what they gave you in life without staying in love with them.

Now that you know ways to move on, we need to address some common myths about letting go and moving on that we often hear. These are shared below so we do not get trapped in how moving on is “supposed to be” and end up stuck because our breakup is different.

  • Myth 1: You Need Closure – Closure is not the deciding factor on being able to move on or not. While closure can speed things up in the process, not having it does not mean you are stuck. We mentally convince ourselves that we need a formalized ending, but instead, just accept situations as they are and continue on.
  • Myth 2: All You Need is Time – Time healing all wounds is a passive approach and can extend your emotional state. Time is necessary to healing and moving on, but so is the work you need to put into yourself and life to help things along.
  • Myth 3: Setting a Time Limit – Moving on is a very intimate process and you take the time you need. Everyone is different. Set realistic expectations for yourself and move on as you are ready.
  • Myth 4: Distractions Help – Staying busy and building confidence is different from distracting yourself from the pain. Engage in activities that enrich your life and build your self-esteem while being mindful of where you are in the process of moving on.
  • Myth 5: If You Miss Them, You Belong Together – Over-romanticizing the past will only hold you back, but missing the person is normal and natural, even though it does not mean anything other than you meet them. Feeling sentimental means only that you have emotions, nothing more or less. Write out the pros and cons of the relationship to get a clearer picture and hold true to your goals of staying apart.

Breaking up and losing love can be a struggle, but it does not mean the end of your love life forever. Take the time you need and then look for love again as a better version of yourself.

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