If you’ve been dating casually and want something more committed, say what that means to you. You may want to see each other more regularly, date exclusively or make plans together.

Ask what the other person wants while there is time for both of you to think. A simple question often tells you more than the length or timing of their messages.

On this page
  1. Describe what you want in practical terms
  2. Look for interest and follow-through
  3. Clarify what you have agreed to
  4. Give a clear answer its full weight
  5. Keep room for your own life
A woman in a dark jacket talks on her phone outdoors.
Choose a time to explain what more than casual dating would look like for you.

Describe what you want in practical terms

Try “I’d like to see you regularly and date each other exclusively. Is that something you want?” Give them room to answer, and ask what exclusivity would mean to them.

Look for interest and follow-through

Notice whether they sometimes initiate plans, share what matters to them and make time you both enjoy. Some people prefer a call or an in-person visit to daily texts. You can discuss what kind of contact works for you.

Clarify what you have agreed to

Talk about what you each expect while you are still getting to know each other. If you’re sexually involved, discuss boundaries and protection. Agree on what you would share if the arrangement changes.

Give a clear answer its full weight

If the other person wants to stay casual, consider how the current arrangement feels to you. You can take a short time to decide or end it with a direct, kind message.

Keep room for your own life

Continue making time for friends, family, work and rest. If you both want a different arrangement, try a specific plan and check how it feels after a few weeks.